Amidst the political turmoil of today, I have found myself a bit lost in all of the party nonsense. So I started thinking what would happen if eventers were to run the country?! I think that if eventers were in charge, as a nation, we would be tough, we would be dedicated, we would be passionate and we would all learn to fly a little bit by the seat of our pants.
1. The Ribbon System
Colored ribbons would be worn in the ponytail to alert surrounding parties to your mood. A national color key will be established to represent varying moods. (Suggested but not finalized list below)
- Green: Approachable and friendly, in the mood to socialize.
- Yellow: Ecstatic. All 3 horses were phenomenal and I found my missing glove, may talk your ear off with the details of each ride.
- Blue: Sad. Down in the dumps because Sgt Pepper is three legged lame with no explanation. Best approached with beer, chocolate or a puppy.
- White: Working! I am here on a mission and am not easily distracted, it’s going to be dark soon and I haven’t even started stalls.
- Red: Kicks. I hate the world, please maintain an acceptable amount of space between us.
2. New National Park
The Kentucky Horse Park would be a national park. Beloved statue of Bruce Davidson Sr., a national monument.
3. Fuel Requirements
All gas stations would be required to carry diesel fuel.
4. Red on Right, White on Left
For too long the public has moved in unconventional and unorganized ways. I propose that we introduce them to the very helpful flagging system used on cross-county. Red flags on the right and white flags on the left. These can effectively be used to replace all “One-way” signs in public. To be used for store aisles, parking lots, etc. Anyone who disregards the directional laws will be sentenced to 3 months of picking stalls.
Whether on foot, in a vehicle or mounted, passing is only allowed left to left to ensure smooth, proper flow of traffic.
Should be inherent if flagging rules are followed correctly.
6. The Tack Office
No longer will small towns suffer from the lack of a fully stocked tack store. A tack store will be added on to every Post Office to ensure convenience and accessibility to all citizens.
7. Horse Laundry
Do you have a bunch of nasty saddle pads that need washing? Laundromats are now required to allow horse laundry in their machines at no extra cost. Blankets included!
8. Weather Laws
No more rained out horse trials! Bad weather to be illegal on weekends. Rain is necessary but only allowed during the week so as not to interfere with competition.
9. New Riding Rings
The national mall will be converted into a giant riding ring. We will look into adding riding rings at all major federal properties.
10. Horse Groceries
Grocery stores would be a one-stop shop for all creatures. Hay and grain would be available alongside salad kits and oatmeal.
11. Education Reform
Grades will be replaced by levels
- College will be deemed Advanced
- High School – Intermediate
- Middle School- Preliminary
- 5th grade- Training
- 3rd/4th grade- Novice
- 1st/2nd grade- Beginner Novice
- Kindergarten- Tadpole
School week would run Monday-Thursday so as not to interfere with competition.
Important skills and knowledge will be introduced into the core curriculum through such classes as:
- “It Broke! Should I use duct tape, bailing twine or vetwrap?”
- “Legends of the Sport: Two and Four Legged”
- “Nutritional Properties of Gas Station Food”
- “Cross Country Jumps 101”
12. FREE PONIES
Free pony per child to every family!
You read that correctly.
It is a well known and accepted scientific fact that eventing is the best sport in the world; so just think, what if we (eventers) were handed the political reins? Phenomenal proposition right? I know.